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| Taken a couple years ago. me Lew, Anastasia, Zane, Randy and Henry |
Pissed off that the Doctors revived a dead baby, only to let him suffer. This not only effects the child but has an effect on anyone who knows and loves his parents or their children. They put this baby through "experimental treatment" to try and "help". What was discovered later was that the treatment was truly never intended to help, only to prove that treatment did not work. The doctors knew in the beginning that Henry's life would be, well, a non-life. He is blind, has no muscle control, can do NOTHING for himself. He is in constant pain, nearly impossible to comfort and all this because some doctor thought it would be the right thing to do. Pretty much, after he was released from the hospital, they dumped him in his parents laps and said,"here ya go, there is nothing we can do." Rebecca and Noah researched, advocated, worked to find anything that would help them in whatever way necessary. They have done all his primary care for the 4 years of his existence, they have been strong and dedicated to his care and the care of his siblings. They have schooled themselves in every area, giving their boy the best that he could have.
Now he has 2 different infections and there is nothing that can be done They have had to call in HOSPICE to assist in his care. Henry is dying. He is more comfortable now than in months. Because he can finally receive the medication for pain he has needed for years. I'm angry that his parents had to call in HOSPICE to stop doctors asking them to do more treatments that would; by far; do more harm than good. If they had refused these treatments before hospice, they could have, and probably would have, been called neglectful parents. Even though they have done everything humanly possible to insure their son's happiness and comfort.
I cannot begin to tell you the hours upon hours of sleep they have lost, or the amount of research they have done, the physical work just to care for him, is more than most people do in a lifetime. Put the emotional pain along side this and what you have is a perfect place for insanity. They have not gone insane, they have maintained their values through all of this, being loyal to each other and their family.Taking no nonsense from anyone and doing what needs to be done, every single day.
I am pissed because I have a son who has walked away from his children, leaving them to sink or swim. So deeply sick with his addiction that he sees none of the pain and suffering he has caused and is continuing to cause. I of all people have a great understanding for addiction and how it works. I also know that it is a personal decision to let it completely take your life. So yes I am pissed. I am pissed that I have to watch my son die at his own hand and that I have to watch the pain in his children's eyes as he does so.
I am pissed that my "golden" years have been put off for another 20, as I care for the children my son couldn't be bothered with. Don't think for a minute that I don't love these children, oh how I do, I will do everything that I can with my husband to give these children everything they need to succeed in their dreams.. This does not mean that I haven't had to process resentments and anger about the fact that my son is who he is. Recognizing on the one hand that the children are far better off without him in their life, yet on the other, resentful that he has been unable to pull his head out of his ass, step up and be the father they deserve.
I am pissed off at the family of these children creating drama where there is none and believing that I of all people, am in this for money. I have had to move my entire life into anonymity in order to remove the drama and heartache these people dish out on a regular basis. I am pissed that there seems to be no honesty to be had.
I am pissed at people who spout empty platitudes and do nothing. I don't want empty platitudes neither do the parents of Henry. What we want is understanding, compassion and practical help. Buy Rebecca's product, this is how she supports Henry and her family, also how she deals with her emotions, share the Henry's page and her Etsy shop both found on the right side of this post. Read Noah's blog, also found on the right side of this post. He is a writer supporting family, keeping emotions in check. Honor their honesty with yours.
I am pissed that there is absolutely nothing I can do in any of these situations.
My anger is pointless, I am grown up enough to realize this. None the less I am pissed. I don't know what to do with the anger.
I am grateful for sobriety and sanity. I am grateful that I have peace in my own mind that I am present and can give HONEST love.
I have gratitude for all the positives that have come from these particularly negative situations. There is much in each of them, that is pure joy and love.
I am grateful for the growth I have seen in myself, my husband, my mother and many others.
This does not negate how much anger I feel when I see the pain in my daughters eyes, she's good, she tries to protect the ones she loves from seeing her pain. I am her mother, I see it. Noah? The pain is written all over him, the sadness is overwhelming for us all. Henry's siblings are confused, heartbroken, scared, all of the normal things you would expect. They are also strong, honest, caring, compassionate and intelligent people. As a group this family is supportive of each other, holding each other up and together.
I am pissed that these gentle children would have to learn all of this with such harshness.
It comes down to this my dears: I am pissed that I have 8 grandchildren, that are in severe emotional turmoil, dealing with terminal illness, death, addiction, and a myriad of other malady's that have no business being part of a child life.
I know I have no way of knowing what is best for another person, that is not my job, of this I am infinitely aware. This does not stop the anger from rising up when I see so much pain all around me in the ones I love.
I am grateful I am sober. I am grateful I am here to see them through.
Thank you for reading.
